Drinking in Cardiff
by loveeleventhdoctor
Summary: The Doctor and Rory get drunk in Cardiff. Slash and boy-kissing ensues. Doctor/Rory  slight implied Jack/Ianto


It was a silent night in Cardiff, and Ianto Jones was methodically going through the paperwork and assorted alien artefacts that came with his job as the "tea boy" and archivist for Torchwood 3. The rest of the team were out enjoying drinks, but he had stayed behind to keep an eye on the rift. HE glanced for a moment at the screen that displayed the area above him. All clear, nothing to report. He turned back to his paperwork, and turned when there was movement on screen.

A police box appeared , then disappeared, and repeated the process several times, before staying a permanent fixture in the landscape. Turning on his comm, he heard the others laughing in his ear, all obviously well on their way to being drunk.

"Jack, a police box has mysteriously appeared in the area above the Hub, can you please check it out?" Ianto told the immortal.

"Police box... I'm on my way Ianto. Has anyone come out?" Jack said over the comm.

"No, not yet, oh wait, two men, one maybe mid-twenties,floppy brown hair, in a tweed jacket, black pants, bow-tie, the other early twenties, brown hair, sticking up, in a suit." As he watched, the two young men began moving after the elder locked the police box. _Who are they? _Ianto thought as he watched them.

**Meanwhile.**

Rory and the Doctor walked towards the bay of Cardiff, both silent as they took in their surroundings.

They had left Amy on a shopping planet that they personally had no interest in, and she was under strict orders to call them immediately if she was in trouble.

The two of them had decided to put the TARDIS on random, and explore where ever they ended up.

"Cardiff." Rory said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Cardiff." the Doctor repeated.

"Why here? What is so special to the TARDIS about Cardiff? I mean, London, I understand, but _ Cardiff_?" there was a disbelieving tone in the humans voice.

"Well, the TARDIS probably just wanted to recharge. You see, there's a crack running through Cardiff, a rift, and it's full of the energy the TARDIS needs to travel, so some times she just lands me here, takes in the energy, and leaves, but this time, since we set it to random, we may as well stay here. I have a friend who probably wouldn't mind if we dropped in, but I'd watch out, he flirts."

the Doctor laughed, saying flirts the way others would say bites. "One of my old friends called him the captain of the innuendo squad." Rory laughed too. "Just as well Amy isn't here then." the Doctor shuddered.

"The _horror_. The woman who flirted with herself... literally, and Captain Jack Harkness, king of flirts? Remind me not to take her to Cardiff. Ever." both men laughed, then on a unanimous and completely unspoken agreement, headed towards a bay-side bar.

"Lets have a few drinks, yeah?" said Rory. "Two normal men on the night away from the missus." the Doctor grinned at his friend.

"Which is funny, seeing as in a way, we're both Amy's boys. So we have the same missus. Which is weird because I'm her imaginary friend and you are her husband. And I suppose there's River, but does that count if you haven't actually met her properly yet? It's all very confusing. I'll need a drink to sort it all out." he unconsciously took his companions hand and pulled him into the bar.

Two hours later, and they stumbled out, roaring drunk and laughing their heads off.

They stumbled towards where they had left the TARDIS, only to find a team of five humans surrounding it, with guns drawn.

"Oh look! It's Torchwood, right? I love you guys! You're all like, saving the world, except the few times you all made it worse. Rory, did I ever tell you about the time they opened the rift and released a demon? Well that was a disaster." the Doctor rambled. The team, Torchwood, turned and aimed their guns at Rory, who was supporting a very drunk and useless Doctor. He smiled at them.

"We surrender?"

RPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRPDW

Rory sat in his and the Doctor shared cell as he nursed the mother of all headaches. Not that the Doctor was much better. He groaned and silently promised himself to never ever drink that much again.

"Ugh" moaned the Doctor.

"Agreed." Rory muttered. His head pounded as he spoke.

"Where are we?" the Doctor asked a few minutes later, as their headaches retreated a little.

"In a cell. Your Torchwood buddies locked us up after you mentioned the demon guy. Abba-whatsit." Rory glared at him.

"Hey, they take offence easily. I didn't even mention the cybermen or the daleks or. Come to mention it, I didn't say anything about the battle of Canary Wharf at all! So why were we locked up?" Rory looked sheepish.

"You were practically unconscious, and I can't drive, so I figured let the people with guns take over, we'd escape later. But they are good! They scanned us for alien tech, and found the sonic screwdriver, then just locked us up. The American guy flirted with me the entire time, and he was really interested in the sonic!"

"The American guy? Was he wearing a world war two coat?"

"Yeah, why? Does it matter?"

the Doctor growled, then stood up and drunkenly shook his fist in the direction of the camera.

"Captain Jack Harkness, you give me back my sonic screwdriver and let me out of the cell right now before I find a way to bring the Master back to life to torture you forever, or just dump you back in the year that never was, and see how you like living through that again!"

"_That _was Captain Jack Harkness? I see why we need to keep him away from Amy." Rory muttered, then continued in a much louder voice. "Doctor, who's the Master?" the Doctor turned around to face his companion and grimaced.

"Insane timelord, became Prime Minister of Great Britain. Took control of the Earth by making my TARDIS into a paradox machine, and bringing the mutilated, twisted fragments of humanity back from the literal end of the universe to destroy the world and take over the universe. We as in Martha, -she was brilliant- Jack, and I, reversed the paradox, his wife shot him, and he refused to regenerate; change his face.

"He was revived Christmas 2009, and managed to turn every single human into a version of him, before breaking the Time-lock on the Time War, and bringing the entire war into the area above Earth. The Lord President, he was an arse hole, turned all the humans back, then began to prepare to destroy the universe, -the lord president, not the master- the Master sacrificed himself so I could live, which I repaid him with by sacrificing my life for my ex-companion, Donna, she was amazing, by the way, her grandad Wilf, an amazing man in himself. That's who the Master was, is, and, at this point in time, will be." the Doctor took a deep breath.

"We were also best friends as children."

"Whoa, I asked who, not his life story." Rory laughed, then groaned at the burst of pain that went through his head.

"Oh god, what did we drink last night?" he moaned, changing the subject.

"Oh, right, your not a Time Lord, you don't recover from hangovers like that as fast as I do. I can help you, if you want..." the Doctor said, frowning at his companion.

"Do it." Rory growled.

"Are you sure?' the Doctor sounded a little worried,.

"Doctor, my head feels like some one cut it open, puked in it, sewed it back up and didn't bother sterilise the wound. Do. It. Now." Rory turned to the doctor, and was surprised to find the Doctor's lips on his own. He gasped, and the Time Lords tongue slipped in to his mouth. He was still for several seconds, then slowly moved his hands to cup the aliens face. They remained like that for several moments, before Rory moved his heads forwards a little further, angled his mouth like _that _and the kiss deepened. They broke apart, silently gasping for breath. A subconscious part of Rory's brain realised his hangover was gone.

"You're married." the Doctor stated, after a minutes silence.

"Yeah, I know, I was there." they chuckle, and suddenly, Rory pulled the Doctors mouth to his again, and there are several more minutes of kissing eagerly, hands roaming each others bodies, until Rory pulled away. The two of them had somehow ended up on the floor with the Doctor lying on top of Rory. Both men could feel the others hardness.

"Amy is going to be so pissed." Rory said.

"Course she is. Her best friend is kissing her husband. I'd be pissed too." the Doctor began to pull away, but Rory grabbed his arm, and held him in place.

"I don't mean that, she probably just laugh and watch us. I meant, I didn't have to practically seduce you just for a kiss." he grinned, then felt a pleasant shock at the sensation of the Doctors mouth on his once again.

RPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWRP

**Earlier**

The entire team was watching the two young men as they recovered slowly from their hangovers.

The sound was on, but they mostly ignored the talking, until the words Daleks, Cybermen, and Canary Wharf were mentioned. Jack frowned and Ianto paled visibly.

Then the slightly older man stood up and started shouting at the camera.

"_Captain Jack Harkness, you give me back my sonic screwdriver and let me out of the cell right now before I find a way to bring the Master back to life to torture you forever, or just dump you back in the year that never was, and see how you like living through that again!" _

"The Master? What kind of person calls himself that?" Owen muttered.

"A psychopath."" Jack replied.

"_Insane timelord, became Prime Minister of Great Britain. Took control of the Earth by making my TARDIS into a paradox machine, and bringing the mutilated, twisted fragments of humanity back from the literal end of the universe to destroy the world and take over the universe. We, as in Martha, -she was brilliant- Jack, and I, reversed the paradox, his wife shot him, and he refused to regenerate; change his face." _the Doctor said over the speaker.

The entire team stared at Jack in shock.

"The end of the universe, Jack? Tell me he's joking." Gwen said.

"Nope, been there, done that." Jack grinned at them. That's where I was when I left you. I was travelling with the Doctor."

Ianto nodded. "It makes sense... are they kissing?"

Everyone turned back to the screen, in time for the Doctor and Rory kissing session. The Torchwood team watched for several minutes, before Jack gave a start.

"Let's go."

The others followed without a sound.

RPDWRPDWRPDWRPDWDWRPDWRPDW

This time, they only broke apart when the door to the area the cells were in was opened. The Doctor shifted so he and Rory were sitting next to each other, against the wall. The members of Torchwood marched in.

"Oh, hello, you lot. Nice to finally meet you in person. Generally I just avoid you when I'm here, but the TARDIS, silly old girl she is, she decided to come here." the Doctor said, grinning at the Torchwood team like a loon.

"So that's why we're here? You said you put it on random! Liar." Rory wasn't actually pissed off, but he decided to butt in anyway.

"Who are you?" asked one of the women. She had black hair and a welsh accent.

"Ooh, hello Gwyneth. No, not Gwyneth, that was Charles Dickens, which means you're... Gwen, right? I love genetic multiplicity, genetic multiplicity is cool." Rory sighed.

"Not helping." he muttered, but the Doctor had already turned to Tosh. "Oh, hello, Doctor Sato. Been a while, yeah. I was a different man back then, northern accent, big ears, really grumpy. Remember the space pig?" he grinned at her expression of shock, then turned to Ianto.

"Hello, Ianto. I've heard lots about you. A friend of mine never shut up about you. Something to do with coffee... among other things." Ianto merely smiled.

"I do my best, sir."

"And your best is brilliant. Go you, Ianto Jones." another grin, before he turned to Owen.

"Haven't actually heard much about you, but from what I did hear, you are an amazing Doctor. Keep up the good work." he then turned to Jack.

"My sonic screwdriver, Jack." he said, holding out his hand.

Jack held out the sonic screwdriver, but pulled his hand away before the Doctor could snatch it out of his hands.

"Who are you?" he asked the Doctor.

"Oh, come on Jack. Figure it out." there was silence as the team waited for Jack to say something. When he didn't, the Doctor sighed. "Oh, fine... are you my mummy?" a shocked silence, as Rory, Ianto, Gwen, Tosh, and Owen try to figure out what the Doctor meant, and Jack stared at the Doctor in disbelief.

"Who has a sonic screwdriver?" he asked, throwing said device in the air and catching it.  
>"I do!" the Doctor cried defensively.<br>"Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooh, this could be a little more sonic'?" he was grinning at the Doctor now, joy lighting up his face.

"What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?"

"Tosh, open the door." Tosh did so, and the Doctor and Rory walked out of their cell.

"Captain Jack Harkness, nice to meet you." Jack said flirtatiously to Rory, holding out his hand.

"Uh, I'm-"

"He's married, Jack." the Doctor butted in. Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't stop you."

"Well, I'm a special case. I'm his wife's best friend. Speaking of his wife, we should probably get back to the TARDIS in case she almost gets killed again. It is a habit. Like that time Rory shot her."

"I did not shoot her on purpose, Doctor! It was a complete accident! She remembered me just as the signal activated, and the hand-gun shot her. If you weren't to busy chilling in the Pandorica, you would have saved her, but no, you had to go and get captured by all your enemies!" the two time -travellers glared at each other, ignoring the looks of curiosity on the faces of the Torchwood members.

"Well, excuse me, but she never would have forgotten you in the first place if you hadn't got in the way of that bullet in 2020! You had to get shot next to a crack, didn't you! Idiot! And it wasn't just _Sontarans _it was Daleks, Nestene Duplicates *** cough cough Rory * **and God knows what else!"

"Well if I didn't take the bullet, you would have died! So sorry, Doctor, for dying for you!"

"Get a room already!" complained Owen, but he and the rest of the team stayed where they were.

Jack broke the silence by hugging the Time Lord warmly.

"Doctor, it's been ages! After you dropped me back here, it's been completely silent on your front. I thought you'd forgotten about me!"

"As if I could forget someone who can't die!" both men laughed, but Rory stepped forwards.

"Uh, can't die? Like, not at all?" with a confused look on his face.

"Nope, and I'm probably going to live forever. And before you ask, it's not fun at all." Jack only glanced at him for a second, but he saw something in his eyes, something old, like he had seen so much more than he should have. It reminded him of the look in his eyes, and the eyes of the Doctor.

"Oh, I know." said Rory, smiling sadly. "I got turned into dust by an old lady, blown up, shot, erased from existence, shot again, and drowned. Oh yeah, and I'm completely mortal." he looked down, as if remembering something very painful.

"And that doesn't count the 1894 years he spent as a plastic Roman Centurion for Amy."

"Who's Amy" Gwen asked, breaking the awkward silence that had filled the corridor.

"My wife. She's on some random planet, shopping. Or something. She'll give us a ring if she's in trouble." Rory said, shifting from one foot to the other as he realises the awkward position that put him and the Doctor in.

"You were making out with a married man, Doctor. Does that mean I stand a chance?" Jack said, teasingly. Ianto frowned, jealous.

"Nope, I stick to 21st century people." the Doctor said,

"And River." Rory muttered. The Doctor glared at him.

"Not now, Pond." he murmured.

"Do I want to know?" said Jack.

"No, she's very confusing. She's from our future, well his, so ours by extension. We saw her recently, in Utah, 2011, then Washington 1969. Speaking of which, Guess who broke in to Apollo 11?" Rory said conspirationally.

The Doctor laughed nervously.

"They don't want to hear about that... any way, I want to look through your alien artefacts."

"So, Rory, Doctor, you're Time Agents too?" asked Tosh. "Can we see your wrist strap?"

"Uh... what's a Time Agent?" Rory asked.

"A member of a company from the 51st century, who uses a Vortex Manipulator to travel through time."

"Vortex- Oh, like that thing you took off River? And kept on popping between 1996 and 27AD with? Right."

"Yeah."

"More with the River! Who is she already?" Jack complained. They had reached the Archives.

"If only we knew." the Doctor muttered.

"So if your not a Time Agent, how do you travel through time?" Gwen asked, clearly confused. The Doctor, ahead of the others by a few metres, stopped and whirled around.

"Jack, what did we use as a comparison with Martha? Oh, right. So there Jack was, stranded in the year two-hundred-one-hundred, ankle deep in Dalek dust, I go off without him. But he had this." he took Jacks arm and held up the Vortex manipulator. "We've already mentioned he used to be a Time Agent, it's his Vortex Manipulator. But that's not time travel, well it's the cheap version. It's like, I've got a sports car, he's got a Space Hopper."

"Alright, so I bounced." Captain Jack called out, before walking past the Doctor, leading them the rest of the way into the Archives.

"I thought you wanted to see the alien stuff, Doctor."

"What's wrong Jack?" the Doctor asked, worried.

"I don't really want to talk about my past around the team."

"Fair enough, I wanted this regeneration to be a clean slate."

They were silent, the the Doctor saw something that piqued his interest.

"Rory! Come look at this! Familiar?"

A long, thin tooth was lying on the bench.

"A vampire fish tooth! Seriously?"

The Doctor and his companions laughed at the confused expressions on the others faces.

A few hours, and an averted alien invasion later, and the Doctor and Rory were pretty much ready to go.

"Well, we better be off, um, see you later. You know, planets to save, aliens to defeat, redheads to catch up with."

"Ooh, she's a red head?" teased Jack.

"Yes, and Scottish." Rory grinned unconsciously at the thought of his wife.

"How you going to explain before?" Owen asked them.

"Same way the Doctor did when she kissed him." Rory said.

The Doctor scowled. "Neither one of us is jumping out a stripper cake on her hen night, to tell her that I kissed her husband." there was a stunned silence as the team took that in, before Rory snorted.

"I _meant,_ Doctor, say that if she had been there, it would have been her, it should have been her, etc. It sounds a lot different when you are on the other side of the argument."

They reached the TARDIS, and after Torchwood had admired the control room, it was time to go.

The Doctor began pressing buttons and pulling levers, and soon they were in the Vortex.

"So... where are we going?" asked Rory. The Doctor ignored him, and flicked some switches instead.

"Uh... Doctor, hello?" Rory stepped forwards, into the Doctor's way. When the Doctor tried to get past, he grabbed his arm.

"What?" the Doctor sounded distracted.

"Is something wrong?" Rory was worried. What's wrong with the Doctor? he wondered.

"No... just it's kind of awkward... I kissed one of my best friends, who happens to be married to my other best friend. And is male. Not to mention a different species. Nothing awkward there." said the Time Lord, avoiding Rory''s gaze.

"Doctor."

"Amy is going to kill us. Oh god, what have we done?" he sank into one of the seats that lined the console, head in hands.

"Doctor..."

"I'm am so sorry Rory, I was still kind of drunk, and I got carried away..."

"DOCTOR!"

"Yes?" the Doctor lifted his head to face his companion. Taking advantage of this, Rory pulled the Doctor against him, crashing his lips onto the aliens. The Doctor stumbled back, but Rory kept his hand on the Doctors arm and they fell to the floor.

"What are you doing Rory?" the Doctor asks them, as he tries to pull away.

"Kissing you"

"Why?"

Rory just pressed his lips to the Doctors again.

A few minutes later, the Time Lord pulled away once again.

"_Rory_, your wife is shopping, we should pick her up soon."

"_Doctor_, we're in a time machine."

The Doctor gave up.

"Fair point." he pulled the human back for another kiss, this time pulling off Rory's suit jacket, closely followed by his shirt.

Amy called a few hours later, requesting to be picked up. It took them over six months to get there.


End file.
